Reflection on Yom Kippur
Julian Epstein

I suggest to you that the physical experience of pregnancy and birth is parallel to the spiritual experience of teshuva.

As “Leha Dodi” equates the emotions of a wedding day with our feelings for Shabbat, so can imagining or remembering giving birth evoke emotions necessary for full participation in Yom Kippur. We are striving for atonement which is dependent on teshuva. Repentance creates a new being, a new identity independent of previous identity. A penitent shares in their own recreation working to reshape themselves.

Starting with Elul, we began to anticipate our observance of Yom Kippur. So also a woman in the last month of pregnancy feels joyful anticipation and dread intermingled. The burden she carries can not be ignored day or night. The prospect of giving birth is frightening, painful, containing even the threat of death. But she calms herself by concentrating on the joy she’ll know when her baby is safely born. She attends classes, learns techniques to help her through labor and delivery. But ready or not, there will be a time of labor. So too, as we move through Elul carrying the weight of our conscience, to Selihot, the first pangs of  our coming High Holiday’s labors, toward the day of judgement.

On the first day of Rosh HaShanah we remember Isaad. This miraculous birth, the creation of a  human being, involves a mother, a father and God. The point is underscored by the Haftorah which recounts how the childless Hannah prayed for the birth of  Samuel. It is clearly established that God is the ultimate source of life,

On the second day of Rosh HaShanah the Torah reading concludes with the birth of Rebeccah, mother of  the twins Jacob and Esau and the Haftorah includes a reference to Rachel, who suffered many years of childlessness before the birth of Joseph.

During the holidays we also recall Jonah and Noah which could be regarded as themes of rebirth. Jonah regains his faith in the womb-like stomach of the whale and then is cast out of the waters to find his way to Nineveh. Noah builds an ark, a marvelous artificial womb containing all of earth’s living creatures to give rebirth to life after the flood of waters has cleansed the world of sin.  The High Priest from the time of Aaron was instructed to immerse himself in the mikvah before he offered atonement. The mikvah is a deep, vertical tub in which one assumes a fetal position, pulling up the feet and curling down the head for complete immersion. One leaves the bath  symbolically reborn.

Seven days before Yom Kippur as the High Priest left his house and his wife the elders of the Sanhedrin would admonish him that if he performed the Yom Kippur service improperly he could die. The atonement for all Israel depended on him. On the third day and the seventh he underwent ceremonies of purification in case he had been accidentally defiled by the dead. Every day he reviewed each detail of the coming service. He had to avoid foods that might heat the body and cause a nocturnal emission.  Thus he came to Yom Kippur day purified. I would like to suggest that this process served to de-emphasize the maleness of the high Priest so that he became the person to represent all Israel, both fathers, mothers, and all. With great humility and in dread for his life and the life of his people, clothed in simple white linen garments, the high Priest would labor through a long day of spilling blood and offering prayers and incense for the redemption of Israel. On this day he would come closer to the God of Creation than any h, At the successful conclusion his face shone and everyone felt great happiness.

Perhaps this special glow in the face of the high Priest was akin to the joy on the faces of parents when they first gaze into the face of the brand new, innocent soul that has been placed in their care.

As Jews down through the centuries have, so may we labor on Yom Kippur; fasting as the laboring woman does because we are caught in the grip of an event too overwhelming to allow us to eat. We pray that God grant us a cleansed soul. Hopefully, when the shofar sounds at the end of Neilah, we will hear within its tones the first cry of a new self. But, as you can not leave the hospital with an infant and then neglect it, remember to care for your soul. Just as you regard your new child with love and awe and a sense of responsibility, remember to cherish yourself. There was an old custom of choosing a new name on the High Holy Days. Perhaps this served as a reminder of the commitment you have to your renewed soul.

May we all experience the joy of the year that lies before us.